Blaine the Blah

So bloggers, we're going to take a break from the Chloe and Devon Show to flashback to the guy who was occupying Chloe's attention before Devon came on the scene: Blaine. Yes, Blaine. And no, this is not some ridiculous 80's movie. I've actually known Blaine since junior high (yes, junior high) but we were never in the same social circles. He was part of the jock/cheerleader/preppy crowd and I.....well, let's just say that I was a work in progress. lol.

Now, I know you're just dying to know what Blaine looks like and if you just cool your jets, I will tell you right now. He is an inch or two taller than me with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes that remind me of the ocean. Plus he's got the muscular build from doing football in high school but some of his muscle is turning to chubbiness since he doesn't play sports anymore. And he still gels his hair like he did when we were in high school (personally I prefer it when he leaves it natural). And he is slightly tan (but it's not natural).

Physically, he sounds like a catch but let's go beyond skin deep. He is twenty-five and he still lives with his parents. He didn't go to college and he does not have a vehicle at the moment. As for career, he recently made the switch from the lawnscaping business to the food industry. He was working for a guy who owned his own business where they would build fences and fix yards and things like that. The problem with this job....he only got paid when they completed a job (and jobs didn't flow in on a regular basis). Now he buses tables at one of the local mexican restaurants back home.

Doesn't exactly sound like the perfect catch, does he? Plus he has a tendency to wear those affliction shirts with the sparkles on it. (you know, the kind that looks like your baby sister took a bedazzler to it) And that nice tan I told you about? Yeah, he maintains it by going to the tanning bed every day. every. day. (Can we say Jersey Shore wannabe?)

So what exactly is this boy appeal? Well, I've never really had great self-confidence (shocking, I know). And the past few years, I've seriously doubted my sex appeal to the opposite sex.....now I doubt my dating appeal because guys want to sleep with me but not date me ( I think part of this has to do with my virgin status). And this is where "Blaine the Blah" comes in.....

Two years ago, Blaine sent me a facebook request and I accepted since I actually knew the guy. Then five minutes later I get a text from him(don't freak....my friends on facebook can see my cell number). Then we texted for 3 months before I finally caved and went over to his house to hookup. (Now remember....Chloe's Definition of Hooking Up: everything but actual sex.) And this was how Chloe and Blaine started their weird-ass hook-up buddy relationship (or as Dane Cook says, relationsh*t).

Blaine was the first guy since my freshman year in college to show me any form of attention and make me actually feel attractive. And that is also why I put up with all of his ridiculous bullsh*t everytime we hooked up. And let me just say that out of all the times we've messed around, he left a good impression only twice. Mostly, Blaine is all about the quickie; he calls you over to sneak in after dark and you get straight down to business (which means you spend like maybe two minutes  making out and the rest of the time giving him a bj), and as soon as he has his happy moment, he pops out of bed; gives a lame excuse about how he has to get to bed; and kicks your tush out the door before you can say good night. Sounds amazing, right? lol

But there were these two times I swear, Ryan Gosling must have came and inhabited his body for a couple of hours because he was amazing. Like push-you-against-the-door-have-his-way-with-you instensity that was exactly what I wanted. That was the best. But then, he never came back. So, eventually I got aggravated and said bye-bye to Blaine the Blah. Problem is that Blaine is very stubborn and doesn't believe that our little arrangement is over. Even after I told him how I met someone else who is waaaaaay better than him in EVERY way (Devon!), he still texts me about wanting to come see him.

Now I do realize that I live in Houston while he lives in New Orleans but I do visit my family fairly often, especially since my lovely sister Sammie is livin' it up in the Quarter! (God, I miss her!) So whenever I go to NOLA, I tend to meet up Blaine for a welcome home quickie....lol. Which brings me to some news I will dish about later, bloggers. Ciao Bella.

Keira's Corner

Hey bloggers. So, my wonderfully wise cousing, Keira, thinks that I should text Devon once a day for the next four days and then on the fifth day not text him at all; to see if he'll notice my absence. lol. She suggested this after I said that I wanted to be careful about how much I texted him because I didn't want to seem like I was smothering him or anything. What do y'all think? Ciao Bella

Chloe & Devon....Just Friends?

Hey Bloggers, so the question I have for you today is can a guy and girl really just be friends? (Yes, Boos, we're talking about me and Devon.) Apparently, everyone in my life (except for Keira!) thinks that this absolutely cannot happen. Why not? Yes, we all know I like Devon (but it's not just for his looks....I'm serious!) but he's the one who played the friend card. And honestly, I would rather be friends with him than never talk to him again. He's a really cool guy and......we just click, I guess. Yes, we click. :-)

Take the past two days for example. I texted him Sunday night just to say hey and I got no response. (Did I freak out? No ma'am!) Then when I went to run errands before going to do some retail therapy out at the mall, he sent me a text! (yay!) Little did I know that he was working that day when I headed out to the mall. But instead of popping into his shop all smiles and flirty comments, I decided to pass by (which I'm pretty sure he saw me btw) and act like I didn't notice him working. (Cool Points!) Then we started having a little texting convo while I was out shopping and then later while I was cooking dinner. (Yes, I cook.)

Just so you bloggers know, I cooked little chicken cocktail weenies and parmesan crusted tilapia with mashed potatoes and olive oil pasta. (Yum!) And no, that was not all for me. The rents are in town for the week so I decided to spice things up. (You know I live to impress) But I digress, now, I won't blab about what exactly we talked about Monday but I will say that around bedtime he said, "I gotta take my car in early before work so i'm off to bed. Gnight." To which I responded, "Ok. Night." (See how I'm totally playing it cool? lol) And that was that........or was it? Because a few minutes later he sends another text (what?!) that says, "Sleep well". And then I said, "You too, boo. hope everything works out with the car."

Now, I may be reading too much into this but I went to sleep a happy camper when he sent me another text after he sent the goodnight text. I mean, why would you send another text after already sending a text that would appropriately end communications for the evening? hmmm? (I'm taking this as a very good sign) Then there was yesterday. I went to go take care of some work stuff out at the mall and he was working at the shop. So not just once, but twice!, I went popped in to see him. And before you freak out, bloggers, I only popped in the second time after I received the proper signals from him from the first visit (not to mention the texts between visits). That way there would be no awkwardness.

Then after I got home, Keira came over and we made mini king cakes and drank painkillers and Devon texted me again! (WhooHoo!) So there was some flirtiness going on but like I said I don't wanna get my hopes up. Hence, the "let's just be friends" game that is going on right now. And like I said, if we never bump up to more than friends, Hey. At least we're friends. Which is just fine with me.

Ok, bloggers. I've been rambling and digressing from what I was talking about. But unfortunately, I have to go take care of some business so I will talk to y'all later. Now don't forget to put in your 2 cents about anything that I say. I love to get other opinions. See you later, bloggers. Ciao Bella

Weekend Recap

Evening Bloggers. How was everybody's weekend? Well, let me tell you, mind was horrendous. The perfect ending to a equally horrendous week. Now, there was good points to this past week (hello! Makeout with Devon!) but then there were multiple bad points (the awkward next day convo). And then on Sunday (on the way to church mind you) I got pulled over not not using my blinker on a service road...at 7:30 in the am....in the rain....with no other cars on the road. (WTF!) So, all these events from the past week only reinforced my belief that yes, I, Chloe Monroe, was indeed cursed. But then today occurred. And I got to sleep in and do some light shopping, buy my UK editions of Cosmo and Glamour (yay!) And, to make things better, Devon texted me back today while he was at work and we had a nice convo. not anything monumental, mind you. just an ordinary convo between friends. But it was lovely all the same.

You know what else was lovely? Going to see "This Means War" last night! Bloggers, this movie is absolutely EPIC! I was expecting something similar to "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" but it was sooooo much better. It had action, comedy, romance, sex, witty remarks, and more. It is a total guy's guy/ guy's girl flick. Perfect for everybody. And no, I did not go with Devon. (I wish!) I went with my cool cousin, Keira. We were both in so much awe by the time it was over that we came back to my house afterward, cracked open 2 bottles of Arbor Mist and went for a late night walk while we talked about the movie. So, make sure you go see it!!!

Well, bloggers, I believe that is it for me tonight. I've got some work stuff to catch up on so I will talk to y'all tomorrow. Have a good night and sleep tight. Ciao Bella.

Flying Under the Radar

So bloggers, tonight is another at Bookends but I'm flying solo. (and in jeans, sperrys, pearls, & southern marsh to boot!) I've been in a blah mood all day thanks to the oh-so-not-lovely turn of events with Devon (absolute boo boo kitty). And so, I'm rocking the cute classy southern casual look. Trying to fly under the radar, I guess. Plus side of tonight? My girl, Gwen, is bartending! (Yay!) Other than the fact that she is one of the few people in life whose life does NOT revolve around drama, she also fixes the best damn drinks I've ever had. (it doesn't hurt that I occassionally get freebies either. ;-) ) I'm still pretty depressed about this whole being cursed with dating thing so I decided to lay low this weekend and not be all super social. (I know, I know. Shocking!) I'm just tired of getting burned by guys. Actually, I'm not gonna depress y'all with my self pity BS, so I will talk to y'all tomorrow. Don't do anything I wouldn't do, bloggers. Night night. Ciao Bella.

To Be or Not To Be....

Morning Bloggers, Here's a recap of the run-in of Devon and Chloe. Our beautiful leading lady decided to go drop by and say hey to her "friend", Devon, cuz she usually stops by to say hey to her friends at their work. Well Chloe walks in and does Devon even crack a smile when he sees our adorable Chloe? Nope. Maybe it's cuz he's at work but he's all serious business boy. But this doesn't stop our girl; she tries to start a friendly convo over music and how bad her experience was at Lone Star the night before. Unfortunately, Dashing Devon kinda gives her the shut down.

Then just like her convos with other guys in the past, Chloe's awkwardness pops out for an unexpected visit. She opens her mouth to say something then she shuts it and he notices this little movement. And the following dialogue occurs:
   Devon: "What?"
   Chloe: "I was gonna say something but ....then I decided not to say something?"
   Devon: "What?"
   Chloe: "Nothing. Never mind."
   Devon: "...okay..."

How ridiculous was that?! I can't believe I even did that? I was suppose to be all cool and fun and just pop in, say hey, be fun, ask if he wanted to get him something to eat, then bop out to visit with other peoples. And what did I do? I was super awkward. Ugh! There are days I hate being a virgin cuz I feel that it is a jinx when it comes to me and guys. I don't know maybe i'm just cursed. Well, Mardi Gras is this coming week. Maybe I should go see a voodoo lady about getting me unhexed. (huff) who knows. Talk to you soon, bloggers. Ciao Bella.

Stupid Boy Roller Coaster

   Morning Bloggers. So you know how I was totally gushing over my post V Day fling with Devon? Well, Apparently, I was gushing just a wee bit too soon. Because yesterday afternoon Devon texted me and the following is the convo that occurred:
   Devon: "Last night was fun and all but that should not have happened"
   Chloe: "Wait. What? I'm confused"
   Devon: "i wasnt myself :/ i was drunk and i just feel embarresed"
   Chloe: "Embarrassed about what?"
   Devon: "forget it lol"
   Chloe: "Dude. Kinda hard to forget it. I thought everything was cool. Is this because I'm a virgin?"
   Devon: "no not at all i'm just only looking for friends and i just feel like that went way too far"
   Chloe: "Well I'm cool with the just friends thing cuz I thought we settled that last night"
   Devon: "okay im sorry i thought we did too but my memory wasnt 100%"
   Chloe: "Lol. Yeah cuz u said u weren't looking for a relationship but that u wouldn't mind hanging out as friends and stuff"
   Devon: "right i just didnt want to get anything twisted is all. Glad its all good :)
   Chloe: "Lol. Yeah. Cuz you totally started freaking out with that first text. Cuz I thought it was something on my end."
   Devon: "no not at all"
   Chloe: "Ok. Good."

   And now, I am confused and slightly hurt about this turn of events. I had dinner with my cousin, Keira, and she had to go through this process with me about how I shouldn't stress about it (how can I NOT stress?!) But Keira says that gentlemen don't like to hurt people's feelings and virgins tend to get attached to people who they almost have sex with. So since Devon is a gentlemen, he obviously doesn't want to feel like he pushed me too far or upset me. And this is his way of trying to start things off slow. (eye-roll)

   Now keep in mnd, bloggers, that this has not actually been confirmed as what Devon is trying to do, this is all what Keira thinks(but so far, she's never been wrong, so....). So, for now, we're going to go with this whole friends thing but I'm gonna use this to my advantage. I don't mind being friends and I'm gonna make sure he sees that. Let Devon see that Chloe has no problem being just friends and maybe he'll be aggravated cuz it doesn't bother her and he'll try to push it for more. ;-) Let's just wait and see what happens, bloggers.
Ciao Bella

The "Meet-Cute" of Chloe & Devon

 It happened last month at an after after hours bar called The Barn. (I know, name does not exactly sound classy. And guess what? It's Not! lol)

   I was being the DD, and Liz was drunk and ran into a gorgeous 5'11 guy with dark hair and blue eyes(my absolute fave hair/eye combo fyi) and he was drunk as a skunk. Well, drunk skunk introduces himself as Devon from Mass. who has relocated to Houston (yay!) And then he tries to get Liz to dance with him to a slow country song (boo). But thank God that drunk Liz didn't know how to dance to a slow song because Liz says, "How am I suppose to dance to this?:" Which opens a slot for me to say, "Like this!" and grab Devon's hand and slow dance with him.

  Now, just to let everyone know I am a complete re-re around cuties of the opposite sex. I do not understand any signs of flirting or body language or anything. This is probably thanks to my naive virgin status but I am what I am (sigh). So it is still a complete shock to me and most definitely my sisters that I would take the initiative, especially being sober! Then "Birthday Sex" starts playing and slow dancing changes to grinding with heavy making out. I know, I know, "Chloe! What were you thinking?!" That's just it. I wasn't! And it was crazy and exciting and I loved it! :-) 

   Which the dance floor wasn't the only place that I made out with Drunk Devon....I took him to Liz's car out in the parking lot!(Scandalous, I know!) Let's just say, we totally fogged those windows up! Unfortunately, I pulled a Cinderella and ran away without exchanging digits with my mysterious man. (sigh) 

And THAT, my dear bloggers is how Chloe Monroe met Devon Stone.

Post V Day

   Hey There Bloggers. And how are we all doing in the post aftermath of the craziness that is Valentine's Day? (Or as I like to call it, Singles Awareness Day) Well, let me tell you, mine was for the most part a craptastic day. I mean, does every couple have to crawl out of the woodwork and put their affections for one another on display for the whole damn public? NO. They do not! Plus, not once did I see some stupid idiot f*ck up his V-Day plans with his girl and get embarrassed for the whole world to see. Now that is just boo boo kitty. So, the day slowly crawled by for me like that one lecture from that one prof that sounds like Ben Stein and makes you just wanna strangle yourself with your bag strap. (Yes, it really was that bad.)

   And because of my horrible anti-Valentine's mood, my girl, Liz, drug my tush out to Bookends for a night of drinks and laughs because it was Karaoke Night. (And, no, I do not karaoke but I do love to make fun of the other drunk people doing it. ;-)  ) Anywho, only once we got there did I find out that I was meant to be Liz's wingwoman because her crush (Mystery Boy) invited her out. And how rude is that to not let your friend know of the gameplan before the game begins. I wasn't trying to impress anyone, nor did I want to(I'll give you the 411 on those details later). But I am sooooo glad that I changed shirts after work so that I looked cute without even trying. ;-)  (BTW, that's what a real fashionista does.)

   Because after 2 drinks and a couple hours of trying to not look bored, who do I happen to see? None other than my one-night fling, Devon, the super cute boy from Massachusetts. Now bloggers, let's not judge over the fact that he is a yankee; a real Southern Belle does not discriminate...it's rude. I know, you're all wanting to know who is Devon and when did this alleged one-night fling occur.....but we'll save those fun details for the next post. ;-) But back to last night's turn of events...

   So we both catch each other's eye and we both do a double take. Then...Devon slowly starts walking in my direction. Even though I am fabulous, I still flip out on the inside and I start whispering to Liz, "oh sh*t, oh sh*t, oh sh*t! Is he really coming this way?" And Liz just smirked and said, "oh yeah." (sassy b*tch) Then there he was and then we hugged (yay!) and started talking about how we know each other. And we flirted and then, ladies and gentlemen, I did the next most un-Chloe-like thing ever. I asked for Devon's phone and put my number in and called my phone from his phone so I would have his number.

   Then as most fairy tales end, the clock chimed his time to go (even though it was way obvious that neither of us wanted him to leave yet). But, bloggers, this was not the end for Chloe and Devon. Oh no. Not even 15 minutes after he left, I got a text message from him asking if I wanted to come over and hang out. (boo, you didn't have to ask me twice!) And after another 20 minutes(took forever to close my tab!) and 4 texts and 2 phone calls, I was finally pulling in to Devon's driveway. And you wanna hear the scandalous news, bloggers? I got there at 2 and didn't leave till 5:20 this morning! (So, unlike me!) And that, my fellow bloggers, is what happened post V-Day. Stay tuned for what awaits these two lovely kids. Ciao Bella. ;-)

 

 

 

Monday Night Review

  Good Morning, Bloggers. How was everyone’s night? I thought mine would be a calm night in. That was not the case. One of my girlfriends, Liz, called me and wanted me to go to Bookends, a fun casual bar near campus, to play pool with her and our other friend, Brandy. But who goes to the bar on a weekday, let alone a Monday? It just seemed weird but I decided, in the spirit of the new year and trying things I don’t normally do, why not? And of course, I drug my partner-in-crime and cousin, Keira Devereaux Hunter, along to keep me company. Now, Keira is quite the oddball, but in a good way, and I’ll let you know more about her later. I can’t give all the family secrets away, now can I?  ;-)

  Anyways, we met up Liz and Brandy at Bookends, which was surprisingly somewhat busy. (who knew?) And before I even stepped onto the front porch of the bar, drama had already erupted. Apparently Liz, God bless her soul, had locked her keys and Brandy’s keys in her car. (Shame, Shame, Lizzy, dear.) Poor Liz was beside herself and, thanks to her whole damsel-in-distress routine, had managed to wrangle a cute boy from one of her classes to come to her aid. Or so she thought. Cute mystery boy, who we found out works at as a waiter, called the campus police. Boo boo kitty to the po-po for not helping a girl in need because of their stupid ass rule that they don’t come to bars. (really? FAIL!)

  Then, Mystery Boy calls some other people to see about coming to open her car for free; he pretends that Liz is his girlfriend (well we can all guess how happy she was) and says that he’s trying to be the great boyfriend by coming to the rescue. Does it work? Nope. So then M.B. pulls out the big guns and says that he’s trying to avoid a horrific argument with less than 2 hours till Valentine’s Day. (let’s tug on those heart strings, people!) And he……strikes out! So, what does Lizzy end up doing? Calling Daddy Dearest. Let’s just say that we’re all glad Liz is a total Daddy’s Girl.

  Let me tell you, THAT was entertaining. I know, I know, I’m such a B. lol. Then who should walk in with only an hour till close? None other than, Alex (yes THAT Alex) and our friend, Ben.  Now, automatically I have the urge to want to rip him to pieces because of the whole incident with Lexie, but I come to learn that even though Alex is a total man whore, he’s actually a pretty laid-back dude. So, I still don’t like him very much because he did make my baby sister another notch on his bedpost, but…..he’s an okay guy to play pool with at the bar.

  And that was my calm casual Monday night at Bookends. Hope that gives you something to think about, whether it’s locking your keys in your car or sleeping with someone you don’t know. Lessons need to be learned, people. Well, that’s all for now, bloggers. You’ll hear from me soon. Ciao Bella. ;-)

Sex and the Monroe Sisters

  So bloggers, have you ever had such a ridiculous comment that you heard and thought, "Okay, I have to post this for the whole world to know of right now!"? Let me tell you, my sisters, cousins, and I are all about the random comments and somehow they always end up on some social networking site, and I think it's cute that people like our comments so much but I prefer to take credit for my work. So now I've decided that it's time to let people know about all the crazy sh*t me and my girls say. Be prepared for some laughs along the way.
   Here's my first random words as of late. Last night my twin, Sammie, was talking with our little sister, Lexie, about the great subject that is sex. Now in order to find this as entertaining as I did you have to know a little bit about us Monroe sisters. Sammie and I are twins but not identical twins, in fact, we're kind of like fire and ice, but in a good way. Where I tend to be more of an ice queen when I get angry at people, sassy Sammie Monroe is all "hell hath no flaming fury" when she gets pissed at someone.
  Then there's little Lexie Monroe, who tries to be like both of her big sisters but has somehow come out more of crazy semi-wild child who, ironically, dreams of being a lawyer. (feel free to giggle now). But we are so proud of our baby sister. Now, Lexie was telling Sammie all about her latest sexual adventure, which are always entertaining for us to hear, and how she just found out that the boy she had a drunken tryst with has slept with over 90 people! (So not classy, btw) Apparently, his life goal is to sleep with at least 1 girl a day for God knows how long. (Yuck!) And now, Sexy Lexie is freaking out about how safe (or unsafe) Alex, the fucktard who messed with our sister, actually is. And Sammie's unfiltered mouth came up with this life changing comment:
         "You had sex. Last time I checked it's not something that often causes fatalities."

Yes, bloggers, it has officially been confirmed by the great Sammie Monroe, that Sex will NOT kill you. You can all breathe easy now and do the horizontal tango to your heart's content. As for me, I'll just stick to driving guys crazy with my teasing ways while I hang tight to my V-card. Have a good night bloggers. Ciao Bella.

The Mystery of Chloe Monroe

Hey There Bloggers. From the heart of Space City, welcome the fashionable sexy confessions of Chloe Monroe. Who is Chloe Monroe, you may ask? She's just your average soon-to-be college grad who just happens to have a fab job being a personal consultant to the poor unfortunate souls of Houston who sadly do not have a proper relationship with the world of fashion. And in order to be the most Stellar Star of Space City, one CANNOT go around looking like the next picture for US WEEKLY's "What Were They Thinking?" page. That would just be beyond tragic. So this is where I come in. Chloe Monroe. What? Did you think this was some goober writing a fictional story that they hope may possibly one day be picked up by some major publishing company like Random House? PUH-LEEZE! Wake up, darlings. I am more real than Pamela Anderson's tits. And for those of you who are already getting a case of the giggles over my wordage, boos, this is just the beginning. So make sure you check me out as much as you do your crush's facebook (don't lie, you know it's true) to see what crazy things have already happened and what awaits Chloe Monroe in the future. See you soon. Ciao Bella.